Happy Christmas!!

Dear All, HAPPY CHRISTMAS everyone! Sorry, I will not be sending cards again this year or my usual ‘round robin’ letter but here is an update!

I bet you are all wondering what is going on in our lives. I know it has been a long time and a lot for you to catch on, where do I start?

Dennis was discharged in August to a flat we had managed to rent within the GP catchment area in Wimbledon. It has three bedrooms and a nice little garden and is set in a Close with allotments next to us. Although it is great to be out of hospital and back in Wimbledon, Dennis says it is not home!

The adaptations to our house have not even started yet! Very frustrating! However, after lots of negotiations regarding foundations and drainage, we have finally got Building approval so the prospective builders have all been given the plans and specification with which to quote.

An Agency was agreed and Dennis left the hospital with a really good carer, however, since then it has all been downhill. I appreciate we probably have higher standards than most, but when Dennis’s well being starts to be compromised enough is enough so we are in the middle of being re-assessed and hope to find another agency that will address Dennis’s needs better.

Dennis’s mood has been rather up and down. Coming back home you also have to face the reality of how life has changed. He constantly suffers pain in his neck and shoulders and his blood pressure still drops when sitting up, both of which make it more difficult for him to face the challenges of his altered life. He has always been so independent and self sufficient, never asking anybody to do something that he couldn’t do himself. As we all know, if he didn’t know how to do something he would find out how. He has the same brain and as he says, he’s stuck in a useless body. He never liked being out of control or dependent on others so he is finding it particularly hard and just switches of when it all gets too much for him. However down or fed up I may feel at times, I have to stay positive or he senses it and it makes matters worse, it is hard sometimes. What gets me down the most is not being able to rely on others. Everything seems to take ‘four to six weeks’ to implement.

We knew we would want to get Dennis out and about once home and he was hoping he would get in one of his taxi’s, but being long in the body, his head touched the roof, wheelchairs also travel sideways which is not good when your body’s balance is impaired. Colin had been researching different vehicles and with the compensation from Dennis’s bike, we bought a patient transport vehicle! This enables us all to go out together, usually with Charlie facing us all and leading the singing!

Charlie is such a joy, he is so kind and considerate to Dennis, he gives him such gentle hugs, he is better than any medicine.

Due to the recession, Colin was unfortunately made redundant in the summer from his p/t technical support consultancy. Mind you it has been a great asset to us as it has enabled him to be so much more involved with the taxis and the proposals for the build. Also helping to get Dennis out and about more. I really do not know what we would do without his support. Aneta has also been very supportive, as she has been all along. Unfortunately her Mother became seriously ill in the summer and she flew home to be at her bedside which meant we got Charlie to stay for 10 days. He is a good stress buster!

Helen and Iain are happy in their flat. They both work very hard, Iain is doing his Masters and Helen has promotion which takes a lot of her time but she is really enjoying it. We don’t see as much of them as we would like but they are always there for us when we need them. We are lucky to have so much support from our children and their partners.

We constantly challenge ‘the system’ to get things moving for Dennis. Everything seems to have to be discussed, ‘need’ decided, assessed, funding negotiated, agreed, order raised, delivered and then demonstrated before anything is implemented, it is so long winded!

The photo is of us both just before we took Dennis to one of his Lodge meetings. It was great to see him all dressed up and he received a warm welcome. We are still waiting to take him to the Court. He has been awarded a 20 years service certificate and I feel it will be nice for him to receive it in that environment.

It is good to see Dennis come alive when surrounded by his friends and colleagues. Too much of his life is taken up with discussions around his ‘needs.’ We want him to regain some sense of self worth and self esteem. Every challenge he takes brings with it a reality check. Every day we are confronted with how our lives have changed. Make the most of what you’ve got; you never know what is around the corner!

With Christmas looming we have decided to spend the day at Malcolm Road. Not living in it for nearly 18 months, it needs a ‘deep clean’ and tidy. Its all hands on deck at the weekend. We can just squeeze Dennis down the hall way. To me the house does not seem home until Dennis gets there and it comes alive, it will be so good when we are back home.

We have had an increase of visitors since we have been back but there are still people we would like to see. Please email me with a couple of dates on porterhm@hotmail.com if you are interested in visiting. Dennis still has a lot of ‘official’ visitors so please don’t be offended if we are not available. The best time for Dennis is between 2 – 5 pm.

Please keep the messages coming on the blog, it is so encouraging to know you are still there for us. I appreciate there has not been an update for a while but as I’ve said before, I know a lot of you check the blog but never leave a message, please do, Dennis gets so much enjoyment when I read them to him, just put a message on about what you are doing, it is nice for him to feel part of your lives.

Anyway everybody, life is coming together, slowly but surely, we have a busy time ahead of us but thankfully we are moving in the right direction.

Please stay in touch. We wish you all a very Happy Christmas and a healthy new year.

Our love to you all and hopefully another update a bit quicker than this one, sorry! xxx